i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
