He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
