You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
