He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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