Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
