Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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