I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
