i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
