please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
