Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
