I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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