Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
