If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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