sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
