awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
