the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
