My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize