You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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