What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
