he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
