end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
