I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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