Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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