You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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