If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
