I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
