It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
