great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
