I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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