So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize