The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
