i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize