I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
