gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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