I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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