I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
time to smoke my breakfast
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize