ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
