Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just google imaged poop.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
