I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
