i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
