sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
