Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize