i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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