I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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