he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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