Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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