Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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