Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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