How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize