i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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