meet me or not, i'm out of control
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
