Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
