Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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