I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
