I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
