I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
