Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
