HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
