I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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