I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His nipple licking is glorious
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