Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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