Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
