Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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