Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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