if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
